richey lin

Ryan B. Richey and Chris Lin

from Hannis Pannis


Pannis was born on an island. His birth name is unpronounceable by
most.  He grew up listening to Swedish dance/Pop and talk radio.  When Pannis
was 23 he was visited by the ghost of Hank, which turned his life around.

Sega Genesis

Makes my thumbs long and callous, while the other fingers remain
underdeveloped.  It doesn’t help.  I watched Michael J. Fox rock out in Back to the
Future, jealous.


This has gone on for too long.  I bought a wig like yours.  Mention you
anytime I meet anyone to make them laugh and find me more interesting.  I went
to your MySpace page.  Found out about Shelvis.  Your motto, “LIFE’S A
GARDEN…DIG IT!!!!”  I imagine you’re tired of playing Elvis songs, so I play my
sad songs as you.

Wet Pillows

Couldn’t sing Wet Pillows without crying for the first 3 months.  Trying to hit the
high note is like eating horseradish.

All Veg

Hannis wanted to know if the finger food is all veg.  Of course it is, it’s an art
school.  Everybody walked past Hannis Pannis in front of the yellow sectional
couch cushions.  Pannis serenades “I Will Survive” to the caterers – they freaked
out as Pannis sang his heart out and wore his knees out.  Kathryn Hixson
followed Hannis Pannis around as they serenaded their friends, and they ended
up playing in front of the masturbation video.

It rained that night, Hannis Pannis can’t compete with the craziness.  Now they
are about halfway between Queen and Donovan.  Nobody took them seriously.

First manager got sick from pot and brain burritos.


“I knew Sonic Dildo; Sonic Dildo was a friend of mine.  Hannis Pannis, you’re no
Sonic Dildo.”

Gallery Uno

Interior painting in the backroom is what attracts them.  Crowd walks right by
my work.

Pannis plays with me on uke in the egg tempera living room large enough to give
illusions of being in it.  Gonna make you sweat.  Shimmy shimmy ya.  Elderly
belly dancer works it to Blow Danny.  Leaves business cards.  She does
everything from fun French to modeling.  The message she wrote on the back
either Beef Power Hawaii or Keep Power Hawaii.  She calls a week later to see if
we want to accompany her at the zoo for a video shoot.  I don’t know why I didn’t
go.  Pannis sees her at the movies.  Ducks out.

Sixth Manager

“Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to get fingerfucked by Hannis Pannis.”

Jay Son:

“After I left I couldn’t get Boyz II Men out of my head.”

Hall and Oates

Them for Halloween.  Pannis, John.  Wandadrug, Oates. Hannis, Mr. Casual.

Practice “I Can’t Go For That” body movements and hand gestures at karaoke.

Enlist anyone who doesn’t know what to be as roadies, managers, security,
drivers, groupies, hangerons, dealers.


Travel down to Bloomington, IN to see Dad.  We’ll play him I’ll Sleep with your
Shirt Tonight
in person as a part of our film.  We were gonna be on a bus like
Midnight Cowboy.  ’Cept dad finds a venue, Cinemat.  They give us three hours
to fill on November 8th.  Others must go too.  Hoping to bring tap dancers,
German Expressionists, and one guitar hero packed in a ragtag of vehicles.  Pile
in Dad’s floor?

Keep lookin’ at Lake Monroe on the front of last week’s travel section.


How can I tell you this, we have to postpone the Indiana gig.  The gallery sent me
an email back in July to tell me they wanted to move my opening to November
8th, but I forgot to put it on my calendar.  And now I’m trying to fit too much onto
my schedule.  I ate halfway through a pork roast, now I don’t know whether to
stop or keep eating.  Sorry Hannis, I fucked up.

Hourly smoke break is now turning bi-hourly.  I can’t sleep.  This was supposed to
be our year.  Phone calls were not returned because I was too busy cakin’, Sorry
Hannis, I fucked up.

Don’t think I don’t care about you.  I love playing with you.  I loved all of your
advice (Better than Pyong’s).  Maybe later I’ll figure out how to juggle my life
around, then I’ll get better at it.  But for now, I fucked up, and I’m sorry.

See you at karaoke.


“I want I want I want but I never get.  It.”

return to SHAMPOO 37