Lindsay Coleman

Two Poems

Poem Formula

1.   Start with an audacious first line, usually a strong opinion.

Example: “No one likes you and you know it”

2.   Proceed to expound upon that statement, building a case through careful
      assimilation of increasingly concrete particulars.

Example: “You are ignored in the emergency ward”
                 “You wear headphones in a crowded nightclub”
                 “You received a chewed-on pencil for the Yankee Swap”

3.   All of which lead to a conclusion that–while echoing the strong sentiment of the
      opening line–only tangentially relates to the preceding case points. The
      interpretive or associative leap between the particulars and the conclusion gives
      rise to a more revealing truth seemingly resonating with, but perhaps also eluding,
      the author.

Example: “You like the way your tears disappear into the bubbles of your bubble

4.   Close with a statement that attempts to circumnavigate the poem’s central logical
      fallacy without rendering it pointless.

“But also when you stand, the way the bubbles slide reluctantly from the brutal
slopes of your body”.

Subj: [“Sheep-o-matic 3000”]

Fellow WoWers,

what better name for a mage that loves polymorphing in Player vs. Player and invokes
exploding sheep to crush opponents?
It came to me when I was warring in WSG—this mage was polymorphing me
over and over again. It was the most aggravating thing in The World.
But I couldn’t help smiling. Here was a player with a very handy spell,
which effectively turned our WSG into a 10 Alliance vs. 9 Horde
by keeping me sheeped 90% of the time. The dude is like a machine I thought,
the Sheep-o-matic 3000….

And Ding! The light bulb went on.
My wife Wensleydale had left on a four-week backpacking trip.
It was the perfect time to create my troll mage “Sheep-o-matic 3000”
and advance him to lvl 29 twinkage. Exploding sheep and polymorphing
would be my signature moves. And as for those 13-yr old Alliance punks
who want nothing more than to kill kill kill in bg’s—well,
I just sheeped and sheeped them to see
how many I could get to hate me.

And it worked. From there,
I advanced Sheep-o all the way to the lvl 60 cap. Patiently awaiting
The Burning Crusade Expansion Pack Upgrade,


return to SHAMPOO 37