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Mark Peters – Sexy

Mark Peters
Sexy

    1.   Soft kisses and touches around the neck, chest, and groin area are sexy; sedating
an unwilling donor is sexier.

    2.   To dream of paddling a canoe on a calm stream is sexy; to dream of rotten eggs is
sexier.

    3.   85 pounds of explosives are sexy; 30 vials of plague bacteria are sexier.

    4.   New York State’s death penalty law is sexy; a complimentary bottle of N.Y. State
wine is sexier.

    5.   Wild death zombie robots are sexy; a werewolf-like hand clutching a
dismembered bleeding head is sexier.

    6.   Several fundamental constitutional guarantees are sexy; sexual intercourse between
two unmarried persons is sexier.

    7.   A face like a frying pan is sexy; a face like a barn door is sexier.

    8.   Pigs in space are sexy; bugs in food are sexier.

    9.   Sinking the sausage is sexy; sinking to the bottom of the sea is sexier.

    10.   A suspicious number of sick days is sexy; a flat, firm, sexy stomach is sexier.

    11.   Hibernating in a flotation tank is sexy; settling for ordinary strength trainers is
sexier.

    12.   Sewing little labels onto your clothes is sexy; exercising in fields or meadows
where irritating grasses and weeds grow is sexier.

    13.   Intolerable ruffians are sexy; palace eunuchs are sexier.

    14.   Jesus holy shit Christ is sexy; holy fucking shitballs are sexier.

    15.   Hanging onto a job like the Pope is sexy; bringing home camels and other odd
mammals is sexier.

    16.   God’s wishes and pet fishes are sexy; the turds of various birds are sexier.

    17.   Sexual failure is sexy; irregularly shaped slices of pizza are sexier.

    18.   Kissing toast is sexy; khaki trousers are sexier.

    19.   Terrorizing a desert town is sexy; receiving a superhero suit and promptly losing
the instruction booklet is sexier.

    20.   Unleashing a creature that feeds on electrical power plants is sexy; quitting the
FBI after one last adventure is sexier.

    21.   Great leaders are sexy; attaching electrodes to their genitals is sexier.

    22.   Scrooge McDuck is sexy; Peking duck is sexier.

    23.   A giant rat is sexy; an unholy big-ass snake thing is sexier.

    24.   Pumping a plunger up and down vigorously about a dozen times is sexy; hearing a
“pffft, pffft, pffft,” or a “tick, tick, tick” sound is sexier.

    25.   Rolling over in your grave is sexy; spinning in your grave is sexier.

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